It's Easier To Run
by Prophetess Of Hearts
Summary: Song fic based off Linkin Park's "Easier to Run". Harry is depressed and temporarly tries to escape. R & R Please.


Title: It's Easier To Run  
  
Author: Prophetess Of Hearts  
  
Rating: Unknown  
  
Category: Harry Potter Fanfiction  
  
Setting: Summer after 5th year  
  
A.N: This is based on the song "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park. The lyrics are immediately following the * !  
  
* -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *** -.- *  
  
Harry sighed as he looked outside from his small window in his relatives thinking back to the year that had just passed. This year had hurt more then any had so far, there was nothing that could make him understand just why everything seemed to happen to him, like he was the worlds whipping boy. He sighed once more and then approached the door that lead into the hallway of the house. Thinking only of the deaths that had surrounded him to date, he felt so alone, like no one could every understand.   
  
Harry's relatives were treating him a little better this year, mostly ignoring him and any strange habits that started to occur, like this strange desire that seemed to occur within him every night to run. A half forgotten saying came to Harry's mind as he approached the door leading out into the harsh world the saying was about how maybe, just maybe if you ran fast enough your problems wouldn't be able to catch up with you. Harry thought about only this as he stepped out into the suffocating summer night heat.   
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something more  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
Harry started to run, he had no real destination in mind, just wondering if he would ever know that which had been taken away from him, the memories of his parents, after all if he could clearly recall his parents death and Voldermort's attempt to take his life, why could he not remember some of the happy memories that must have been occurring just short minutes before Voldy and his Death Eaters had appeared? It was almost as if someone had tried to wipe his memory clean as a child and not fully succeeded.  
  
Harry shook his head, it didn't matter, all that mattered was that he ran faster. Yet as he thought back to his childhood memories of being beaten and tortured by Dudley occurred in his mind, as well as being starved and whipped. He knew he had to keep these memories locked away, he always did, after all it simply wouldn't do for others to know.   
  
'Besides', Harry thought as he ran, 'nothing would end up repairing what was done.' By now they were just scattered memories of a time long gone to Harry, even though the memories still liked to tease Harry in his nightmares ever since he had first escaped to Hogwarts they were like a movie always repeating and never really showing the end.  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see  
  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
There was a time when Harry had thought about the lovely time turner that Hermione once had, wondering if it could take back the pain that had been caused in the past, changing the bad paths that he had choosen like having Cedric take the Cup with him, Going to the Ministry when Sirius wasn't there, invading Professor Snape's personal life by falling into the pensive... and all the other wrongs he had done.  
  
So many things he had done wrong, yet he knew that he was not fully responsible, after all Voldy was the one who truly caused Cedric's death by ordering Wormtail to kill him, Voldy had been the one to invade Harry's dreams and cause him to believe that Voldy had Sirius... If only he could take the blame. The saying 'If I could I would' came into Harry's mind.  
  
In a way Harry hated how the news spread, it would be so much better if he didn't have to worry about others knowing what had happened. After all People like Malfoy and Snape were always out there not letting Harry live any minor mistake down, if only he could hold all the bad things in have them be his private secrets that only he would know and take with him to the grave with him, drag them down with him.  
  
If only............. if only........... if only.  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
Harry made his legs go faster, it was his only escape from his mind, if only he could run so fast his mind shut out with only the thought of running being in his mind. Running so fast the slight breeze rammed against his skin, chilling it to the bone. Replacing this pain he felt with something numb, the feeling of nothing but running.  
  
It was so much easier for him to run then to do anything else, it was easier just to go throught the streets like a blur running to escape from everyone and everything, maybe that was why he only did it at night, so no one else would know. 'Yet maybe,' his mind whispered 'it would be better in the day because you don't really want to face this pain here all alone.'  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
A picture of his childhood bedroom snuck into harry's mind, the peaceful and safe darkness of his cupboard where he could just stay in there until his family had called him to do chores when their precious Dudley was finished.   
  
Yet this also reminded him of his beating from Dudley, after all his safe dark haven had also been his hell, memories of being thrown in there and starved if he had accidentally done or said something wrong for days at a time. Being thrown in his cupboard after showing up from school bruised and bloody and having his aunt and uncle ask what had happened then being told he had lied when he had told them the truth, that their precious Dudley had did it.   
  
Or worse, the times when Vernon had gotten pissed off combined with the little things like Dudley's torture of him and his attempts to escape resulting in magic... that had always been the times that caused Vernon to take out what had been a gift from Aunt Marge, a whip that had metal threaded through it. After all according to her the whips they usually made these days were too gentle, not harsh enough to be used against 'hellions' like Harry.   
  
The thoughts were suffocating him, choking him once more, he tried to push his body faster but the thoughts kept coming. One in particular whispered in his mind one that tempted him more then any kind, thoughts of ending it, thoughts of letting go, thoughts of hiding and never going back or moving forward just being dead at last.   
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a path  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
He ran as fast as he could now, seeming to complete a big circle of both city and mind as the thoughts he had had before returned. Those of changing the past, he knew magic could do it, but like Dumbledore had told him before, there will always be unforseen consequences of these actions, who knew, maybe by changing the time line it would result in more deaths, more pain, maybe even something he wasn't sure he wanted to explain.   
  
If only it would work he'd do it, he'd take back the pain, write every wrong he made, stand up and except all the worlds blame within himself, and if he could change the time in such a way maybe it would have been possible to bring the shame to the grave being the only one who knew the truth of the past.  
  
If only...... if only........ if only.  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
Harry finally couldn't go no further as he collapsed surprisingly onto a park bench, more time having passed then he thought as he looked to the east. The sun was rising, casting the glow upon the earth almost if it cleansed it, but wasn't happening, he knew that much. In the end he just watched as the sun started it's crawl across the sky.  
  
He felt so broken, so helpless knowing that he couldn't really do anything to change the major events in the past no more then he could stop the sun from making it's journey across the sky.  
  
He sat there still as he could, hoping to be engulfed by the world, not feeling misplaced by the world with his baggy clothes, his glasses misshapen and tilted upon his face only helping the bags beneath his eyes stand out from lack of sleep.   
  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and sook his head wondering if it was possible that just maybe he could change. Maybe instead of his changing he could change the earth.... no, in the end that sounded more like Voldy's thinking. After all poor little Tom Riddle had tried to take control to change that which he did not like. No, it was he, Harry. It's so much simpler to change himself.   
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
Just watching in the sun  
  
All of my helplessness inside  
  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
  
It's so much simpler to change  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
Harry stood up once more, his legs still feeling like jelly, yet he started to run again. After all it's easier to run then face the pain he felt starting to take over his skinny frame. He started to replace the pain by running again as fast he could, his body going numb from the overexertion that was starting to tax his body.  
  
He had to continue home now, it was so much easier there, be ignored and yet still have people around him even if they didn't care. 'It's so much easier to go' the voice in his head whispered it's caressing thought through his mind. 'After all' the voice continued 'that way you don't face all this pain here all alone' it finished.  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
In the end Harry arrived back to the Dursley home entering once more and knowing the process would repeat again the next night. Knowing the thoughts, memories and voice would return. But in the end his voice whispered....  
  
* ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * ! * !   
  
It's easier to run  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)  
  
It's easier to go  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(I would take all my shame to the grave) 


End file.
